This Crazy Little Thing Called Love
By Kathleen Mary Andersen
Reprint from: Opinion Magazine
Exerpt from A Crazy Little Thing Called Love
To win or lose at the game of love. As the song goes, love hurts. Or was that love stinks? Either way what often begins as joy, happiness and lust, turns into anger, distrust and hate. I pondered about these two strong emotions and how closely they are related. We start by loving a lot of things about another human being, then somehow along the way, that love can turn to hate. How is it possible to love someone and yet hate them as well? Can we feel both at the same time for the same person? I had to look at the source of both to find an answer.
Webster's dictionary lists "love" as "an intense longing or craving".
This explanation can hardly give me a clue. No wonder why we can't get it right. Its the mystery that has plagued scholars and philosophers since the beginning of time. If Webster cant give us an answer than who can? We can start by going back to our birth. I, like many people, find a lot of love in babies. They arent really always beautiful when they are born. I looked at my own pink and shriveled son in wonderment when I first saw him. I did overlook all of that and saw the love of the Pureness of a new soul, one that had been untouched with the baggage of lives experience. I dont think we are born into this world full of hate, loathing andresentment. I think us, as individuals create it. Life throws us scenarios, we respond back with feelings and emotions that fall into the spectrum of love on one end and hate on the other. The quagmire of Life can help us create disillusion, disappointment and apathy or it can give us the ability to turn it to understanding, hope and love. In otherWords, we can make lemonade out of lemons or muck it up with mud.
Love and hate are born from ourselves. It is internal. They reside inside our Soul and we are given a choice in life what to do with them, how to apply them to our perception of how we view things. They form our attitude not just Toward each other but toward everything that comes across our path. Love and hate. One can be looked at as the positive and other, the negative. One might be considered a high and one might be considered a low. A ying and a yang. The sliding scale like a rainbow, an array of emotions in between that forms our personality and helps us mold our outlook into a unique and individual fingerprint. It is really our responsibility to paint the canvas using these emotions. We can either be heavier on the loving, caring, nurturing category and light on the Cynical, devious, maniacal side or visa versa. Its our choice.
Why is it that when we experience love, everything seems alive? We notice The sky is bluer, flowers smell sweeter, we want to sing, our whole mood Seems to resonate and we throw off love to everything like candy kisses in A parade. Love equates to being happy. On the other hand, when we are Hit with hate and disappointment, we allow another group of emotions to rise: Misery, irritability, jealousy, anger, envy. Our happy mood changes to sad and mad. Hate unfortunately seems to carry far more weight than love. It eats at Our physical body likes a virus. Life isnt so grand anymore. We can clearly see the duality of love and hate. For many, hate will live many more minutes in Their life span than the minutes filled with love.
Wisdom tells us that when we experience love and hate, we need to look at the source of its existence. If someone angers me, does it truly belong? To the person who evoked it or is it something I am projecting from myself Onto that other person or object? We all interpret the interaction with other human beings differently. Did you ever yell at a perfect stranger in the car? Next to you because they didnt let you cut in front of them? Are we really Angry at them or are we angry at ourselves for not getting our way. Did you ever See anyone throw something down when they got anger in a store? When my mother was alive and she said to me "I think Youve put on some extra pounds", I didnt get angry. I overlooked it, For after all, she was my mother and I loved her and I knew it was just Either her opinion or she was only saying it to help me. But if my husband Had made the comment about any weight gain I might have taken it personal, made counterclaims, made excuses or worse case, cried because I thought it might have affected his love for me. This is the reality of life. We all do it. I am guilty of attaching love to exterior conditions versus conditions of the soul.
Love and hate needs an object to attach itself to for its survival. We toss It out to the screen of our choice. For example, the deepest love can turn into the deepest hate when the object of that love we give is not given back in return. Its an emotion coming from us, floating around until it anchors itself onto a destination. You cannot experience love or hate unless its directed at an object, human or inhuman. Love and hate are both natural emotions that help us become unique and different from other human beings. How many people have killed for? Love and how many people have killed for hate? Crimes of passion carry higher statistics than crimes of robbery. Wars are fought for love and for hate. We stay in relationships because of love and despite our feelings of hate. People are killed because they love too much. Aids is a death sentence often times because of love. Control And domination is often mistaken for love but it is born of hate.
In our everyday life we must determine what boundaries love and hate will take. I really hate lobster. Its ok, sometimes hate or dislike has a place In our lives. I love fudge brownie ice cream. Unfortunately that kind of love Isnt always good for me. We think we love someone but in reality is it that We need their approval for our self esteem. We need their validation that I am ok? Our society has changed dramatically over the past 20 years. Men were loved for being providers and mates for the procreation of life. Women have progressed in the job ranks to be self sufficient on their own income. They dont need to fall in love for someone to provide for them. And as harsh as it sounds, anyone can select a set of genes At the fertility bank these days to produce an offspring. Do these now Play an important factor in whatwe think and feel is "love".
If we are really honest we can see that love sometimes is very shallow and fickle. It is sometimes miscast as "I feel incomplete and inadequate on my own and I am hoping that if I get connected with you, l will feel complete and worthwhile." Hate on the other hand is strong, rooted and destructive. We are taught from the time we are children that love is good and hate is bad. It is wrong to hate and right to love. Realistically I think both have a distinct purpose in who we are. We just have to learn where the boundaries are. I am an animal lover. I think animals were put on this earth to give us Lessons in unconditional love. I recently spent the holiday with my sister and her three dogs. One is one years old and one is 8 years old. They play once in a while but the older dog gets testy and loses his patience with the younger dog. But together, they forge a team of defense when anyone tries to come into the yard. Its just a natural flow of teamwork. Theres no big dog, little dog, old dog, young dog, you take the front, I take the back routine. No egos here. She just took in a puppy that someone dropped off in the neighborhood...
The poor little guy had obviously been beat. When you raise your hand, he is frightened of being hit. He is responding nicely to love. Someone Did their best to make this dog learn hate but in the end, love stepped in. In exchange for her love, they love back. They dont care what she looks like When she gets up in the morning, how old she will be on her next birthday, or Even if she comes home late from work. They will unconditionally love her and Protect her domain, working as a team of three now without question. The "I" of life, our ego, plays an important part in the drama of love and hate. We often hate due to fear. We hate because our self esteem or ego is being attacked. Sometimes we think people say things to be malicious and Hateful to us when in reality they may be acting out their ignorance, fear and hurt They have experienced themselves. We often take it as hate. We anger back because it gives us the illusion of feeling better, having control. One thing about love and hate, its free. Its energy that we can create instantly, doesnt have a time schedule and its not owned by a corporation. It exclusively belongs to us. We throw it out and then become entangled in its web. I have to take a hard look at love and hate. I have to address my own attitude. I might always keep my loathing of the color chartreuse green and my adoration of chocolate truffles. I can live with those loves and hates. But I do feel a need for all of us to look at our usage of love and hate in our daily lives. Is it acceptable to love someone for their age, their looks, like money?
Or what they own? Or is this type of love that represents a shallow extension of our Ego? A false representation of love that hides the inner soul? Is love just a give thing and not a take thing? Does love mean not finding the perfect person but By seeing an imperfect person perfectly? Buddha said, "Everything that is alive is deserving of love." I think so. Understanding the difference, the boundaries, the acceptable application are the hard part. We are not given a road map to love and hate when we are born. The Bible says no matter how angry we are at someone, we should always still love them. That is a tall challenge I must admit. As I glide thru the mysteries of life, trying to get it right I have to look around. I believe mostly everyone on this planet wants to love and be loved. I dont believe we are born wanting or looking to hate.
I think we acquire it. How many will actually get the brass ring Of love is the question. How many will be victims buried in the flood of hate Is another. As in Ecclesiastes, "To every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven." "A time for love and a time for hate, a time of war and a time of peace". The challenge we face is determining How to balance both as we wake each day. How to juggle the forces that Love and hate can take in our hearts, our minds and our attitude as well.